I was at home, sitting in my library, MacBook Pro on my lap, HD flat broadcasting my daily dose of MSNBC cable, counting the most recent hypocrisies of our nation's Republican leaders on both my hands and feet when I got a call from my friend, Benny Jay.
"I think you should check out our blog. I had nothing to do with it."
So, I go to The Third City website and what do I see? Something silly.
Big Mike is claiming that Milo is Gary, Indiana's greatest writer. And I thought the Third City guys were my friends. I'd come to admiringly think of them as the Three Musketeers, taking on day-to-day issues that other bloggers found too low rent and trivial to tackle, sort of the Seinfeld's of the internet.
Obviously, I was wrong. As it turns out, the Three Musketeers are not so much one for all and all for one as they are only one, Benny Jay, with the other two, Big Mike and Milo, jointly amounting to the Three Stooges.
Benny Jay is a good friend. He read my unpublished, 500-page great epic novel, Sweetspeare's Sirens: The Tell-All Memoir by Pierce Trotter. Ben also read all 12 or whatever of Milo's unpublished novel attempts. Did I mention that Benny Jay is a very good friend to Milo?
Anyway, I went to The Third City website, only to read this:
My apologies to Monroe Anderson, but Milo Samardzija is Gary, Indiana’s greatest writer.
Benny Jay’s been leaning on Monroe for months now, trying to get him to become part of this Third City outfit. Between you and me, if Monroe does cave in and sign on, he’ll be Gary, Indiana’s greatest writer. Like I say, let’s keep this on the QT — there’s no need for us to ruffle Milo’s feathers. He has his moods, if you know what I mean.
Because there isn't an egotistical bone in my body, I was all set to let it go. I mean, I know how I roll and how I've rolled as a writer while nobody knows whether Milo is still on training wheels or a tricycle when it comes to using words to move readers' hearts and minds. But while I was in my "be read and let be read" frame of mine, my friend and fellow Garyite, Milo, went all Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels on me by writing on The Third City blog:
Let me set the record straight. Monroe Anderson is a barely literate, no-talent hack. As a writer, he is in the same league as Benny Jay and Big Mike, which is to say they are all bush leaguers. I doubt Monroe is even from Gary. He probably grew up in Muncie or Fort Wayne, or some backwater in southern Indiana. He just says he’s from Gary to improve his social standing.
After receiving tens of thousands of man-up emails from the Monroe Anderson is Gary's Greatest Writer International Fan Club, I had to reply to Big Mike and Milo. If you want to read my letter to the editor, posted by Benny Jay on The Third City website, click here.
If not, I understand, The Third City assertion that I'm not Gary's greatest is so third rate that it may not be worth your precious time as an intelligent reader who all too well knows what's what, who's who and why Gary, Indiana is so damn proud of me--and is wondering who is this Milo and why is he making this lame-brained, Sarah Palin-like claim?